I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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