in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
