Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
