I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
