I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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