you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
