I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
