Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
