i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
