HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she looked like the before picture.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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