Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
