Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His hands were made for my vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
