i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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