so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
