I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
