hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
