well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
nutella sex= disaster
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
