I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
