You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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