I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
