PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
