I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
