i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
