just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
