Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry about my life...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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