Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
