Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
