they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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