Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
