His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
