3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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