it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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