She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
