In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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