I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
