So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
