I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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