My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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