Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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