We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
