yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
