so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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