why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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