So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
