is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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