So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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