lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
