Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
