My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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