There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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