love makes seman taste better
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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