upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just invented taco cereal.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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