Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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