Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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