A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
