we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
