I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
